Song Of Myself
You tell me you know me --
The way the cogs and the wheels turn in my head --
When at night, I toss and turn in bed,
Do you know what makes me sweat in my sleep?
Do you know the secret fears I keep?
You claim you know me;
But I don't even know myself.
If I gaze upon my reflection,
Who or what do you think I'll see?
Imperfection -- staring back and taunting me?
Is there more to it than meets the eye?
What demons raging within can you espy?
I demand that you tell me!
Because I need to know myself!
But I know you! I know your kind!
The kind that dragged me down into the depths of the ocean
With your pretty words
And your needs.
I was trying to reach the surface -- my lungs were bursting --
But you threw me an anchor
instead of a float.
And I sunk even further... Further and further.
And then I drowned.
Maybe that's how it happened.
Though full of jubilation was I at my own demise,
Mournful, were the other parts of me that survived.
But that's how the world spins upon its axle --
Ordinary people meet tragic ends in this fable.
"Disillusioned!" you tell me.
But still I sing this song of myself.
So tell me you know me
And I will sing to you a different tune and melody --
Of truths and untruths in discordant harmony.
My reflection is what I envision;
Not the familiar figure that you imagined.
You may think you know me
When I'm not so certain myself --
Yet I will go on singing... this Song of Myself.
---- circa, late 2001.
********************
Song of Myself is probably one of my most personal poems and something which i felt, couldnt be improved with further re-writes. In truth, i was inspired by Walt Whitman's poem of the same name but while his was a celebration of life & self, mine is not as optimistic... hehe. well, i know i've published this piece before in one of my bloggy entries (u can also access this & some of my other amateurish works under my poetry section) but i juz thought of including it right now... Of course, this does not mean that the implicated contents are relevant to my current emotional upheavals. ;p
