i woke up from my restless slumber more than four hours ago but have been doing nothing productive at all; or at least nothing that even vaguely resembles "productive" in the eyes of others. Yes.. i'm just moping about, gathering my thoughts. In the most negative of terms, i would say that i'm actually wallowing in self-pity but since today is a sunday afterall, i think i have every right to have that little luxury.
Seriously, i've been thinking about my direction in life and how pathetic i've become. This bloggy of mine is about the only thing that keeps me going on most days and thus, it is indeed "my precioussss" (two words which will forever be inseparable in my mind eversince i encountered Gollum in LOTR). AT this point, i must confess something which some people may find ludicrous; i sometimes take up to a couple of hours perfecting my blog entries, ensuring that each line is to my satisfaction... However it (i.e. my blog) is turning into a pale shadow of its former self; where once i've considered blogging to be an activity conducive for self-revelations and the like, it is now a more impersonal event. Constantly, i am trying to achieve that balance where the words that manifest in these pages not only depict my private reflections effectively, they're also tampered with objectivity & impartiality. i think that's one of my character flaws; i always try too much to please and be the mr nice-guy for evryone. i've always been pretty spineless anyway --- too craven to stand up for myself & let my true opinions be heard.
BUt what kind of society would that be? where evryone is self-righteous & opinionated? Saying nasty things at all the inopportune moments with apparent disregard to the feelings of others? Where untruths are fabricated at each spur of the moment without weighing out the consequences? perhaps i would have done better as a sociology major or something of the sort... yet after all is said and done, i believe that things happen for a reason & past events have made me what i am today: a better person than i was yesterday (or at least, i hope so).
nothing ever happens on a sunday... i was hoping i could get at least 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep after getting back so late (i only slept at six this morning) but seeing how i live in such cramped quarters, that is really too much to ask for (at home, personal space hardly exists). i've made a resolution not to have late-nite outings with the guys for the time being; i'm much too old to be gadding about in clubs & act so frivolously. Moreover, the NR services do not stop anywhere even remotely near my neighbourhood and this major inconvenience should be enough to deter me from breaking my resolution anytime soon...
PS: actually i have been fiddling alot wif my blog template... to further improve it i guess. But after much consideration, i think i'll juz stick to the current one for now. ;)
