I realize that as you get older, the more you tend to feel as though the world is so much bigger than you and thus, the smaller you'd feel. I guess this isnt really a feeling exclusive to myself; anyone who has had their aspirations thwarted, their hopes crushed, their ideals disillusioned, would be able to grasp an inkling of what I'm trying to say...

Seriously, it's a sad fact that most people (especially those who are starting or who have left, teenagehood behind them) aren't really who they seem to be on the surface. However, those who believe in the maxim "what you see is what you get," will soon learn that such a simplistic idealogy could never work in the REAL world. You gotta be professional. Petty emotions cannot get in the way of your job. Your future. Your earning power. Blah blah blah...

In our pursuit of excellence (or what we perceive of it) sometimes we lose track of ourselves --- and our loved ones. Evrything becomes a downward spiral and things which you used to care so much about, doesnt seem to matter anymore... eg. your favorite tv show. That cat you used to look out for at your void-deck. The saturday kopi sessions with your buddies. Your love-life. Another realization that has dawned upon me is how numbing routine can be. Work. Home. Dinner. Sleep. Wake. Work.  Home... It's such a safe cycle of predictables... That odd movie or two once in awhile. That occasional dinner or coffee with friends. A little irregularity here and there to break out of the cycle, and restart your circadian clock. And when you're a singleton, life becomes sort of simpler... but there are some things that you'd miss about being attached to someone (especially if it had been a long term thingy.. )

• that regular morning/afternoon/night sms/fonecall to remind you that someone out there (other than your boss or your mom) is thinking about you
• to have someone to talk to or go out with when you're really bored (of course this depends on whether your gf/bf is free to layan you)
• the feeling of belonging to someone. And evry other singleton looking at you and your stead with envy at such togetherness,compatibility etc etc.

erm.. hope I'm not sounding too Bridget jones...  :P Speaking of which, I really miss that movie (and Renee Zellweger) and am already looking forward to get my hands on the vcd next month.. though I did watch the movie once or twice before. It's funny how many new stuff I need when I really think about it but somewhere near the top of my shopping list is a printer. Gotta get one quick in case I need to print out my resume or something. I know this is somehow my younger bro's fault. And he keeps going to all these sites with auto-install spyware and shit. Should probably ban him from using the pc... hmmm. On another note, am already hoping I could job-hop before the end of this year. Preferably sooner. Not because I'm unhappy with my job or anything but I'd rather not be paid peanuts for the rest of my adult life, if you get what I mean. That would be awfully pathetic...

Hmmm.. after reading this entry over, I think my thoughts are abit jumbled up today. Coherence absent. Too many ideas, too little elaboration. Whatever. Need to zzzzzzzzz....

 12:11 AM