(Warning! -- vomit-inducing entry ahead!)
Dear Katherine,
Let me just cut to the chase; I am truly, madly, deeply infatuated with you!
Eversince I first set eyes on your rosy-cheeked countenance way back during the San Francisco auditions when you sang God Bless The Child, I've been enthralled by your captivating beauty and of course, that wonderful, wonderful, golden voice!
Detractors may claim that you're just a lucky bitch to get this far in the competition because you actually can't sing very well and came within a hair's breadth of mangling most of your songs -- However, I think they're just jealous of the immense talent which you've displayed week after week on American Idol. True, perhaps your upper register may be a little shaky at times, but I don't really care -- who needs another Mariah Carey, Christina Aguilera or even Kelly Clarkson, for that matter???
I just love the way you serenade us with your smooth vocals on the slower numbers, and the cool, collected air of a seasoned professional which seem to ooze out from the minute pores of your smooth, alabaster skin whenever you appear onstage and sashay across to the microphone stand. I love the way you gaze alluringly into the camera -- your mesmerizing eyes seem to burn right through me, to the depths of my soul. (Milking the camera for all its worth is good too, to set many an adolescent boy's heart on fire! =p )
I love the way you giggle like an innocent schoolgirl when you're excited and your ditzy replies to Ryan's questions that never verge to the point of being bimbotic. I love the fact that you are not some emaciated chick with bamboo sticks for legs; I love your jiggly booty, your dewy-eyed smile, and your sizzling stage presence.
Ultimately, I love your rendition of Someone To Watch Over Me to bits; it was not overdone with flashy vocal pyrotechnics and therefore was simply flawless. (I'm a little biased though because I wasn't able to catch the other contestants perform -- my nieces insisted that my family finish up watching The Chronicles Of Narnia on vcd first... *haizzz*) I gotta agree with Rod (Stewart) -- this is definitely your niche and you're fantastic at it!
Nevertheless, after all is said and done, I'm still very much afraid that you may end up amongst the bottom three tomorrow night... perhaps some viewers find it disconcerting that you share your surname with a certain kiddy movie (i.e. Nanny McPhee)?? Or are they just envious of your enormous potential?
Whatever it is, you certainly give me the McPhever!!! LOL
(I'm feeling rather nauseous right now... )
