I just came back from a short respite from my urban life barely hours ago but I don't feel rested at all. One of my second-cousins organized a chalet (more like a bungalow actually) cum barbeque gathering to commemorate the birthday of a close mutual friend but my three-days-two-nights' stay wasn't as restful or fun as I had expected it to be.
I'm not the sort who would have much to do with cooking -- barbequeing included -- but I managed to do my fair share of work. For those not in the know, organizing a chalet/bbq is pretty taxing -- especially when not many are willing to lend a hand. And I really detest those who arrive like they are VIPS or something, abstain from the smoky bbq pit like the plague, gorge down the food like nobody's business, and then won't even bother to clear up their own leftovers. OH well, at least I managed to catch up with some friends whom I haven't seen for ages...
Another factor which was probably a mood dampener for me is my worries about the going-ons at home.
As I may (or may not?) have mentioned in my past entries, my younger brother is an SLE patient and lately, he's been having bouts of dizziness and vomitting which has caused tremendous strains on my poor, frazzled mother. I've taken him to the doctor and his condition has improved somewhat but he (i.e. the doc) has confirmed that it wasn't just a bad case of food poisoning. He didn't elaborate further, only advising that a second consultation is imperative if his condition doesn't get any better.
However, this only exacerbates my unspoken fear -- that the vomitting/dizzy spells are symptoms of a relapse. Those whose lives have been touched by lupus -- whose family members, relatives or friends suffer from it -- would know that it isn't a disease to be taken lightly, albeit the fact that there are many people out there with lupus who lead ordinary and fulfilling lives.
I know I shouldn't worry too much and instead, should attempt to be more optimistic and pray to Him for help and guidance; but I keep getting flashbacks of those times (year in, year out) spent in the waiting rooms of ICU departments, hospital lobbies, hospital cafeterias, wards, etc etc. Suffice to say, those weren't very pleasant memories.
With such thoughts weighing on my mind, everything else (the upcoming elections included) seems to be too trivial, too infantile and too petty. A short-fused, world-weary cynic. Yep -- that's what I am nowadays. I keep telling my friends though, that these are just characteristics of old age... LOL!
